I'm just burnt out

[catch22girl]

I've reached some sort of critical mass in my brain, because I have no interest at all in learning about any more directors or films. I need a purpose and watching film is just NOT giving me that purpose at all. This summer, working on a project, working with people, researching and taping and doing anything that needed to be done - THAT gave me a purpose. That's what I need, I need to feel a part of something because right now I just feel so burnt out and unable to do any work at all.

What have I been doing lately? Well, I spent three hours looking for pictures for an icon I wound up *NOT* making. I spent two hours making an icon, etc. etc. The thing is I can't even say it's time management because I have LOTS of time, just no motivation or desire to do anything at all.

I didn't go to class today, didn't go to class tonight - the thought of sitting in the theater and listening to my teacher (who is excellent and amazing), talk about yet another french director makes me want to cry. It does. I wound up going for dinner with my mom instead, who understands how I feel.

My dad has gout so it's not a good time to talk to him about *anything* - he's in a lot of pain and the meds aren't helping. Also, next week, he has a colonoscopy and I'm trying not to worry about that.

I spent thirty minutes in a car trying to remember the name of Grace's husband on Will and Grace just remembered it now.

I also had such a weird dream last night - I mean we're talking like it started off normally and then veered off into bizarreness land. Let me just say, it had something to do with a botched date and a crazy priest burning down a church. Yes. Bizarre. I think the crazy priest was my date's dad, so it was like a backstory, in a dream, I don't even know though.

I know I have to do this work and write these papers, but I can't even get up the motivation to care at the moment. I hate feeling this way too. It's like my mind is here but there's a part of it I can't really access - if that makes any sense.

Comments

[queen-kiwi.livejournal.com]

*huge universe-sized hugs* You need a long holiday in the Caribbean. :) Barring that--and I'm serious here--a holiday. Just take some time out to relax and get yourself back together again...

Love and much best wishes to your dad!

[catch22girl]

*huge multiuniverse hugs in return* I think you're right, I just need to go somewhere and get my head straight because being in this house and being at this school and just -- yeah. I don't know where I should go but it should be somewhere...

Thank you! I hope it'll go okay I'm sure it'll be okay.

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

Anything I can do, or if you just need to talk, let me know.

[catch22girl]

*hugs back*

I always need to talk, it's one little thing about me - lol. Thank you.