catch22girl | Thursday and Health News

Thursdays are long. I do have to say though, my sis is the best person in the whole world for making me breakfast this morning. The snow drifts are slightly frightening here. Today I met three very cool people and forgot to say "nice to meet you" when I was leaving. It's terrible, I always forget that one little polite thing, sometimes I remember it but more often than not I totally forget. For some reason, sometimes when I meet people and say goodbye I get tongue-tied and forget my manners. I do genuinely like most people and am always happy to meet new ones. I just can't figure out why I forget to say the appropriate things sometimes.

But I guess the real meat of this particular entry is this...

Slight confession time.

Since age 16, I've been suffering from depression on and off. I lost about three years of school (high school and college) to depression. Which is why I'm still in school even after the age where I should be long gone. Sometimes, more often than not, I feel like a failure.

My depression manifests itself in a few ways -- social anxiety, insomnia (linked to nightmares, fear of outside noises and fear of not waking up) and the biggest one in this round, hypochondria.

For example, I was worried about having anthrax before it was popular.

So, I went to the doctor today - again. If anyone's keeping score that's about...5 times this semester. I think. She said that the pain under my left eye was nothing to worry about and the thing on the roof of my mouth was just one of those things.

Have I mentioned that with the increasing anxiety comes an overwhelming amount of hypochondria? I've managed to talk myself into several illnesses. Normal worrying doesn't quite explain my fear over losing my teeth or little bumps on the roof my mouth turning into oral cancer. I finally went to a psychiatrist and got a prescription for Effexor, but, he gave me the wrong dosage and I have yet to get a chance to fix it - stupid snow.

I just wish I could get up in the morning and not worry about something in my body going horribly wrong. All this attention to every little ache and pain is very exhausting.