The Transporter

[catch22girl]

Sometimes you watch a film and the only thing you can think is, wow, they're not even trying.

Special effects were pretty cool but the movie was an excellent example of plot convienence theater.

I think the character could be interesting, so if there's a different director and writer I might see the sequel, but the plot of the first movie? They just didn't even try to make any sense at all.

I think what struck me most about this film was that Jason Stratham has a nice chest. The second thing was that the director and writer knew that too, because they find excuses to have him topless. There's one scene where he's covered in oil and these bad guys try to grab him or something, and as my friend pointed out, it's like gay mud wrestling. Seriously, you have to see this scene to believe it. Also, things explode and there's all these moments of cool special effects but it's obvious that the scene serves the special effects, not the special effects serving the scene.

But my favorite thing? We're supposed to be in France, but none of the main characters speaks French! Everyone's speaking English except for the Chinese girl who speaks Chinese to spite her father. Then, there's the BRILLIANT criminal conspiracy. It upholds my two rules of being the mastermind of a criminal conspiracy 1) Be NOWHERE near the scene when things go down. If you're transporting people to work illegally, make sure you're on a plane or in a meeting when they arrive. Then have nothing to do with the actual work and 2) Just shoot them already! When you have the person who is trying to bring down your plans in shooting distance, don't ask them why there're there or any questions at all -- just SHOOT THEM. This is especially true when you've already seen them beat up about ten people at one time. Don't give them the chance to escape! I find having the hero at your mercy and then NOT shooting them a form of lazy writing, unless the person has another reason for keeping them alive.

There are other things but unless someone's seen the movie my complaints don't make all that much sense :)

I amused myself though because I accidentally thought (when this woman found all this character's old photos and medals of honor and hey wow that's not at all sloppy exposition), I bet Jack'd be good at a job like transporting...and then that just carried me through the rest of the film.

So sad. LOL.

Comments

There was Jason Statham - no plot was needed.

[donna-c-punk.livejournal.com]

Jason Statham was in it. He was without a shirt for much of the film. At one point, covered in oil. He kicked many dudes' asses. At one point, did so while covered in oil. I was very happy, me and my Jason Statham. However, there was no oil involved with me and Jason Statham at one point. Dammit.

Re: There was Jason Statham - no plot was needed.

[catch22girl]

Statham! Sorry. That's what happens when I try to remember people's names from memory. Lovely chest. It didn't really need a plot...but it would have been nice. And I would have edited the ending :)

Re: There was Jason Statham - no plot was needed.

[donna-c-punk.livejournal.com]

I'd have edited the ending to where I was actually IN the film. With Jason Statham and some oil.

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

Don't know the movie, so can't comment.

But that's the BESTEST icon, ever. So obvious, I can't believe I didn't think of it.

Oh, how I miss my Scully!

[catch22girl]

I found it on the my fandom community -- and well, Scully, she made "I'm fine" a household saying ;)

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

:::gasp!:::

Doesn't Jack say, "I'm fine" also?

'cept he says, "I'n." Yes, yes he does - repeatedly!

Y'all nutty people. I have to go to sleep!

[catch22girl]

*GASP* he does! See, see, they'd be great together. LOLOLOL.

[cinesister.livejournal.com]

*is confused by this comment about Jack*

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

I’N instead of I’m! Check out just before the Silver Angst Needle Scene, when Michelle tells him the conference call is ready. He says something like, “No, I’N gonna take it up here.” So, so cute.

At first I thought I was imagining it, but my sister noticed the same thing. I always crack up because I thought this was only a Chicago thing.

[ex-pinkocrac87.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness..."Silver Angst Needle Scene"....yup, this is now entering my fandom vocabulary.

Maybe it's Kiefer's Canadian-ness creeping in? ^_~

[cinesister.livejournal.com]

Hm. Well, maybe it was something to do with the performances he was giving. It's pretty difficult to enunciate properly when you're in that kind of emotional moment.

All I know is, that's so not the basis of that scene. So, y'know, it's weird for people to be noticing THAT, and not the incredible dramatic intensity he managed to create, the huge moment of conflict, even when there's no-one else in the room.

[mosinging1986.livejournal.com]

Um, it's just a joking around thing. Of course I agree he's totally amazing in this scene.

[cinesister.livejournal.com]

Fair enough.

[ex-pinkocrac87.livejournal.com]

Dude, you must have been watching HBO last night, too. (or not) I was laying around and my digital cable was out, so I couldn't see the movie names as I was flipping through the channels. I sat down and watched the first minute, which intrigued me. My actual thought was "is this Resident Evil?" and then..."THE TRANSPORTER" came up onscreen. "Oh, hell no, I'm not watching this crap." So I changed the channel and ended up watching the first forty-five minutes of "The Rules of Attraction" but fell asleep halfway through.

AND NOW YOU KNOW.

....I feel extra-babbly right after I wake up.