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catch22girlY'know, I always thought that my feelings about people were verging on paranoid. I tend to think not very highly of myself most of the time. So, when someone friends me from my real life and I read on their journal things about myself that are, well, pretty fucking horrible...well, let me just say you're not really paranoid or suffering from low self-esteem if that's what people really think of you.
Because, as everyone knows, I don't like when people mock me all that much, because I don't believe they're doing it in jest and I certainly don't like it when I'm attacked for no good reason. So, okay, I like to talk during films/tv, kill me please because that's such a big fucking deal, it really is, especially when watching briliance like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon dubbed into English. And I like to talk about films, because I'm a film student, because I spend most of my day talking about film and I love films and analyzing them and it's what I like and it's what I like to do a lot. I also talk during films becaue I cut my teeth on MST3K and even when my fandom friends get together we talk through things and I don't do it at the theater but I do it other places. I also hate a whole bunch of modern films. And although I keep my tongue on a lot of issues, one thing I won't shut up about is how I feel about something I've seen, because I've studied it for about four years now and more than that everyone is entitled to an opinion.
I'm not a quiet person, I never will be. I'm opinionated, I get annoyed sometimes, I'm not perfect, I have self-esteem issues. I don't trust people most of the time but I put up a really good front about it. However, I'm a lot stronger than I look (emotionally), but I come from a family that likes to gang up on you and sometimes I just don't like taking it from other people. I was also teased when I was younger and I never really got used to joking around with people in that way, it's something I'm working on. I'm also an easy target, I've been told that in the past by people who have just met me. It's because I react, because I do have issues with self-esteem and whatnot and I always secretly fear that people don't really like me and are only pretending (for some reason). But that is my issue.
I love you all.
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Date: 2003-09-08 04:42 pm (UTC)Plus, you sound like me. Have a dancing Kiefer to make you feel better.
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Date: 2003-09-08 04:50 pm (UTC)Hello Dancing Kiefer!! Thank you, that did cheer me up :)
I REALLY love that angry icon, so perfect.
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Date: 2003-09-08 04:52 pm (UTC)Dancing Kiefer always cheers me up. Knew it would do the same for you. *G*
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Date: 2003-09-08 05:25 pm (UTC)You can't be upset when looking at a dancing Kiefer, really.
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Date: 2003-09-08 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 06:34 pm (UTC)::looks again::
::cracks up again::
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Date: 2003-09-08 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-09-08 04:52 pm (UTC)You know what? Don't give them a reaction. That's what they want. As far as online, don't read their journal, don't let them read yours.
Words in print can hurt even more than words out loud, because they're just...there. And I personally think there's no excuse for mocking anyone - ever. Not even joking around.
My heart goes out to you. Don't read those words over and over. If it's a situation/friendship you think can be repaired, then try. If not though, hang with those people that do appreciate you and can build you up, not tear you down.
Anyway, I know we don't know each other well, but it makes me furious see someone be hurt that way.
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Date: 2003-09-08 05:28 pm (UTC)